Loose Ends
by TheReaperGrimm
Summary: How can you sit by and watch Jounouchi marry someone else? (M/M onesided love)


It was today. The beginning of his life and the end of mine. The overwhelming amount of happiness and excitement was suffocating. It seemed like there was a permanent smile chiseled into his face with a rather fetching blush to match. They were all here—his friends, his family; the people that mattered to him. I didn't belong. I didn't rightfully have a place among them but I couldn't stay away. Not when the distance between us was so rapidly increasing, leaving me far behind and forgotten. I missed my chance, though I really didn't have a chance to begin with. By the time we'd met he had his opinions of me. We never did agree with one another and his dislike for me only grew. Resentment turned into rivalry. We never missed an opportunity to trade insults or spew snide remarks. It very quickly turned into a daily occurrence, and arguing with Jounouchi Katsuya became the norm. Before I knew it I was speaking to him more often than I spoke to my own brother, though "speaking" might not be the most appropriate term.

It wasn't like I'd favored him right off the bat. It took time to realize just how warm his eyes were and just how kind his heart was. It bothered me how this boy from the wrong side of town and the hard knock life managed to be so happy despite all his suffering. How was it that he could be so happy and I could not? The very thought of it grew into an obsession with him. For someone so simple how was it that he was so complex? How could he and his friends could so readily offer me aid or friendship despite all the horrible things I had done? By the time it took for my infatuation to register it was too late to catch his eye. As he would say, lady luck just wasn't in my favor this time around. But I didn't need things like faith or luck, not when I had strength and power.

But for all my prowess I was still a coward. I feared my feelings for him and I lacked the strength to tell him how I felt, and thus it ended before it could even start. I was weak and she was not. With pensive eyes I watched as he fumbled with his tie. It couldn't be helped. I stood up from my quiet spot in the corner and walked over to him, "You really are useless."

"And you really are an asshole." His reply wasn't the surly tone I'd become accustomed to. Instead it was light and teasing. It seemed my perpetual bad mood and biting comments weren't enough to damper his mood. Today was supposed to be the happiest day of his life after all. I fashioned his tie with deft fingers. There was nothing left that I could offer him other than this. He looked the most handsome he'd ever been today, and I couldn't very well let him greet his bride with a sloppy tie.

"There," I murmured, sliding my hands across his chest to smooth out the wrinkles both real and imaginary. Today would be the last opportunity I'd have to be this close to him. The very thought made my stomach sink, "You clean up rather nicely for a street dog." "Ya think so?" he said with a burst of raucous laughter, "Thought I looked silly. I'm definitely not used to being in this monkey suit." My eyes softened and my fingers ached, begging me to touch him one last time, "You look fine. I mean it."

His brown eyes widened in surprise, "Seriously? I never thought I'd live to see the day you were nice, Money Bags."

This was it. Our final moment. There were no tears; no dramatic displays of affection. It was too late for that. Nobody would cry or mourn the love that never was. Today Jounouchi Katsuya would get married, and no matter how I felt, life would go on. There was nothing left for me to do. After today I would become a part of his past. We were neither friends nor enemies. I held no special sentiment in his heart. This moment was finite. Any illusions, hopes, or dreams I had would nothing more than silly wishes after today.

I smoothed out his jacket one last time before taking a final step back, "Only because today is such a very special day. Even can understand that much."

"Yeah, I guess so. Thanks for showing up man. I know we've had our differences, but it means a lot to me that ya came out with the gang one last time," he gave me warm smile and clapped me on the shoulder, "You're not so bad."

Both his hand and his words weighed heavily on my heart. My shoulders shook, and for the briefest second I could feel myself wavering. Just how would he react if I confessed my feelings to him now? Would he throw away his plans for marriage and fall for me instead? It was irrational. It was reckless. It was unlike me. I didn't take risks. I didn't make gambles. So why did I feel this way? "There ceremony will be starting soon. You should get going," I urged. I swallowed the lump in my throat and did my best to keep my voice even, "It isn't proper to keep a lady waiting."

"Ah yeah. Guess it's about that time. Let's get this thing started!" he shouted, pumping his fist into the air, "Hope ya stick around for the reception, Rich Boy. There'll be plenty of booze and single ladies."

And with those final, parting words I watched him disappear. A fitting end for something that never began. I was a fool. I was the last to exit the dressing room. I'd fully intended on leaving the wedding after saying my goodbyes, but as I opened the door I found that someone was blocking my way.

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Cousin?"

I clenched my fist, silently seething. Why couldn't the bastard just let me go in peace?

"Don't call me that," I spat, "I'm not your 'cousin' anymore."

His amethyst eyes hardened, boring into my own eyes as if he could see right through me. But I supposed he could. After all he was my greatest rival. The only person capable of handing me a punishing defeat. He had always been the one to witness me when I was at my lowest. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest, his fervent gaze was unyielding, "And he's not Jouno anymore. It's best not to linger on memories long forgotten, not when new memories can be born. I find your behavior astonishing. This isn't like you. In both lifetimes I have never known you to give in so easily Cousin. Where is your fight? Where is your drive? It's not too late. There's still time! Go to him. Tell him how you feel!"

My heart pounded in my chest, "Don't you think I know that? What is it that you expect of me? What do you honestly think will happen? Do you think that Jounouchi will just abandon his bride, take my hand and we'd ride off into the sunset on his motor cycle? It's too late. I know when to admit defeat. Nothing good could come out of an untimely confession!" "You're being a coward!" he accused. I stiffened at his accusation. Despite knowing he was right, it didn't make it any easier to hear those words. My nostrils flared, and I clenched my fists hard enough to draw blood, "What concern is any of this to you? There is nothing between Jounouchi and I. There never has been and there never will be!"

"How could you know unless you try? What are you so afraid of?" he demanded. He slammed a closed fist into the wall and stared at me with wild eyes, "How can you sit by and let Jounouchi marry someone else?"

"Because I love him!" I snarled. My teeth gnashed together violently, as I struggled to release the feelings I'd buried so deeply in my heart, "I love him and I only want his happiness, even if it costs me my own!" I gasped for air, my chest heaving heavily from the weight of my confession. I had never once admitted my affection for Jounouchi out loud. And despite the bitterness and resentment I felt, my shoulders felt a significant amount lighter.

His expression faltered, "Listen to me Cousin. Jouno loved you once. He can love you again. You musn't let your fears stand in the way of your happiness! Priest Seth would never allow this to happen."

"That's just it Atem, Yugi, whoever the hell you are! I'm not Priest Seth! Jounouchi is not Jouno! You know I don't believe in this Ancient Egyptian reincarnation crap. This was between me and Jounouchi and no one else." I pushed past him, desperately trying to repress the feelings that tore at my gut. There was no such thing as destiny or fate. Whatever happened in our lives were a result of our actions alone. Whatever Jounouchi and I could have had was over. There was no one to blame but myself. What the hell gave him the right to preach about things like love to me? The shorter man made an attempt to grasp my shoulder but I easily shook him off.

I needed to get away. I needed to be by myself.

"Kaiba, please," he pleaded, his voice low and sincere, "Even if nothing comes of it, wouldn't you feel better if you could at least tell Jounouchi how you felt? You shouldn't be afraid. You know as well as I he wouldn't penalize you for your feelings. He may be shocked, yes, but he wouldn't condemn you. At the very least, do it for yourself."

I shut my eyes tightly and tried to hurry down the empty hall. He took a few steps to follow after me before speaking again.

"Suppose you're right, Kaiba, and there is no such thing as reincarnation? Will you really let this moment pass you by? This could be the only chance you get! You have to seize it. Don't just throw it away!"

I froze. Why did he insist on provoking me?

"I told you, I will not stand in the way of Jounouchi's happiness. It's too late to start something. And if we did? It's improbable we could have a lasting relationship. We are just too different. It could never work."

"Kaiba," he begged, one final time, "I promise you, it's not too late. Go to him."

"It's not too late", his words echoed through my mind, the reverberations cutting through my mind like a knife. The adrenaline was coursing through my veins, daring me to choose fight or flight. Would I stand up and fight, or would I run away like the coward I'd come to be. There was no telling how Jounouchi would react. There was the slightest bit of hope in my heart. It somehow managed not to get snuffed out by my complete and utter despair. Maybe, just maybe…

No. I'd made my decision. It was set in stone, but…

"This really isn't my style, but humor me, Yugi. Hypothetically speaking, when this life ends do you think that Jounouchi and I will be reincarnated?"

He cocked his head to the side, "Nothing is impossible."

I turned my head to the side, and watched my greatest rival out of the corner of my eye, "Then I'll make a promise. Here and now. Jounouchi may have gotten away from me this time, but if I should meet him again I won't let it happen again. If fate, the gods, destiny or whatever decides to let he and I cross paths once more I will love him. I will love him for all the times in the past, all the times in the future, and most importantly I will love him for all the time we have lost in the present. Perhaps I was stronger in my last lifetime. I lacked the strength or the courage to acknowledge my feelings for Jounouchi until it was too late this time, but it won't ever happen again. If I have to, I will chase him down in all our future lifetimes and I will fight until he becomes mine. I will make sure that he and I will always be together."

He sighed, a small smile spreading across his face, "I wouldn't expect anything less. And if you get the chance in the future? Suppose Jounouchi and his wife get a divorce?" "Then I'll go to him," I said automatically, "Should he become single again I will make sure he falls in love with me."

"Alright, I understand" he nodded, "Will you stay for the wedding?" "No."

"Is this goodbye, then?"

"No," I took a step forward and walked to the exit on shaky legs, "This isn't goodbye. Think of it more so as a 'til next time'. Until then I'll be leaving Jounouchi in your care, and the care of his bride. See to it that he's happy."

"Of course," he agreed, "Til next time then, Cousin."


End file.
